Indonesia, circa late 90’s. I’ve come from a “privileged” north shore background where we literally have five toilets in our house, and I’m looking down at the hideousness of what I’m about to do.
Completely confronted by my very first squat toilet.
“I’m not getting down there to do THAT! ”
“Are you kidding me?”
“It’s just so PRIMITIVE!!”
I remember saying to my parents, “they have so many tourists here, why can’t they just install OUR toilets? We’re paying good money to be here!“.
They didn’t call me Princess Dara for no good reason.
I get through the trip.
I don’t talk about it.
I hold on for way too long to avoid the act of using the toilet.
I avoid any travel for the next 10 years that may involve a squatting situation.
Which is a shining example of (caution, sweeping generalisation ahead) “The Western Problem”.
I don’t talk about my sh#t.
I pretend that sh#t doesn’t exist.
I hold on to my sh#t.
I avoid my sh#t.
The micro view of a macro problem.
For years I wouldn’t even ADMIT that I even went to the toilet – let alone what I did in there. I avoided going to doctors appointments for years because I knew that the “how are your b***l movements?” question was going to be fired at me! (See…I couldn’t even TYPE the word b***l! Oh the shame!).
This was problem – for me in particular, because bowel cancer has a massive presence in my family.
You know when the doctor says “So, any history of Cancer in your family?”…well, when I list the amount of family members who have been touched by the big C, the doctor’s want to whisk me to a specialist faster than you can say “A monthly membership of colonoscopies please!”.
Fast forward six years later and I find myself at the other end (!) of the story. Literally educating people on a daily basis about their bowels (see, I can say it now) by giving people the heads up that not letting go of their sh#t is actually a much bigger epidemic than we think.
For a quick anatomy lesson – when you squat, your colon straightens, allowing you to push way more out. When you sit on a normal loo, a kink in your colon prevents you from effectively moving everything through. If you’ve ever been “stuck” on the loo and intuitively started to lean forward – this is actually your body wanting to straighten out your colon.
So yeah, squatting is freakin awesome.
I’d even go out there and say:
“Squat toilets are the future!!”
(Princess Dara has really come a long way).
Think about it like this.
I wholeheartedly believe that if we were a world of squatters, we’d have a lot more peace in the world because people wouldn’t be so constipated, frustrated and angry! We’d also have a lot more awareness over our own bodies and be operating from a higher place of consciousness (sweeping generalisation No. 2).
Yes, you heard me right. Squatting basically equals world peace.
Except.. there’s that niggling feeling of “yeah but it’s just so primitive!”, “I don’t want to look at a hole in the floor” and “You’re kidding if you think my hips are getting that low”.
So, Princess Dara returns.
Turns out that you can get 95% of the same “squatting” effect, just by PROPPING your feet up instead.
So while squat toilets are a revolutionary health saving miracle tool – my Western design sensibilities (and North Shore preciousness) say no to the squat and yes to the prop!
Some (radicals) say that squat toilets will ruin the Australian way of life! That we will be regressing into cultural realms that we can never return from, promoting a primitive toilet posture that will send us backwards into a dark toilet age from which we can never recover!
The facts are there. Squatting is actually the ultimate and natural way to go. And if we want to be the high vibrational, fully functioning people we think we are, we need to squat. Fact.
Except, sometimes the facts are ugly. Literally.
Whilst I believe wholeheartedly that the squat toilet could revolutionise the health of the whole world, I like pretty things and squat toilets aren’t pretty. They’re confronting, instantly make you think of human waste and could be a hygienic hazard for small dogs and children!
Here’s a statement for you – if we don’t get into PROPPING, then the very foundation that the Australian Brand ideal is built on (happy, healthy people) may fall by the wayside.
DID YOU KNOW that 1 in 3 people will have bowel cancer in 10 years.
That’s right, unless we tackle our sh#t head on, right now and do it PROPPRLY, 33% of us are getting a dose of BC.
I believe if we actually want to ADVANCE AUSTRALIA, then we need to start paying attention to our bathroom posture. All of us. Like right now. Have a good conscious awareness of what is right and natural for our bodies and make the necessary adjustment.
And because I’d rather you spend your bathroom renovation money on some hipster subway tiles, Aesop hand wash and rose gold taps – I’d rather that you PROP instead of SQUAT.